okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
