doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize