no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
