If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
