morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
