walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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