Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
