Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
