Whod you bang
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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