I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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