Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
