we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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