ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
