I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
