im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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