oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
