Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
