I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize