So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
