Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
