sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
