you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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