Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
