$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
