**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
