That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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