she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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