9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
