Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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