I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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