i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
