We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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