you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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