Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
