My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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