You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
