maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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