All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tell her she can't have a vagina
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
