I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
