Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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