dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
