I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
