I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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