margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
