Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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