the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
