There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Mom said you looked used
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need a beard to bite.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
