i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
