After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize