So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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