U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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