i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
