the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize