i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
