God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize