Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
