I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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