I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
