How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
