Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize