There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
