yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
