Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
