Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
