i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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