do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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