Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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