just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
