I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
