When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
