my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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