I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We just shotgunned beers for America
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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