Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
