omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
