I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
