but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Farmville is her only friend.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
