I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
