Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is Oprah even human
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
