genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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