if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
